Out in the Darkness

I have been asked about the title for my blog.  "Out in the Darkness" is a song by Martin Orford (formerly of the progressive rock band IQ) with lyrics and vocals by Steve Thorne.   It is from his recent (and probably final) album entitled "The Old Road."  If you have an eMusic subscription (highly recommended BTW) you can find the song here:

Martin Orford - The Old Road

It can also be download from Amazon (for only $.89) here:

Martin Orford - Out in the Darkness

Out in the Darkness
Music by Martin Orford
Lyrics by Steve Thorne

I don’t believe there’s a true religion

I’m not afraid of your Holy Ghost

You’ve wage the wars and you’ve caused division

The true believers who sin the most

You can’t condone all your strange behaviour

Don’t quote to me from your crazy book

Why burden Jesus to be my saviour?

To let my conscious right off the hook again

I’m getting tired of your lame excuses

It only seems like you’re un-evolved

I’m feeling sick at your cruel abuses

Without your lies, every problem’s solved

Why hold us back from our bright new morning?

You’ve reigned with bloodshed around the earth

I live in hope that the day is dawning

When Man will know what religion’s worth, at last

Man is an animal, out in the darkness

We’re just children deep down inside

Lost throughout history, guided by madness

Biological consequence

We’re nothing special just searching for kindness

All the billions who’ve lived and died

Dwell not in heaven nor out in the darkness now

Even world leaders believe in this fable

Men with their fingers on buttons of red

Someone should give them the Cain if they’re Abel

They won’t be happy ‘til everyone’s dead

Fair and blue-eyed is the image they’ve sold us

Seems very strange for a man

From that part of the world

Bet your life he was black as night…

I’m finding out what I always knew now

I’m taking in what you feel inside

I won’t agree to your thought control and

You’ll never get me to take that ride

You’ve all distorted a simple teaching

The man who taught it would surely weep

We’ve heard enough of your righteous preaching

Go throw your pamphlet upon the heap, my friend

Man is an animal, out in the darkness

We’re just children deep down inside

Lost throughout history, guided by madness

Life on earth is no miracle

We’re nothing special, just searching for kindness

All the billions who’ve lived and died

Dwell not in heaven nor out in the darkness now

I think that the lyrics are fairly self explanatory.  Religion has been responsible for much bloodshed throughout human history.  There really can be no debate on that.  Most of the wars that we have fought have religious underpinnings.  There are those who say that the good that has come out of religion, outweighs the atrocities that have been committed in the name of religion, or that such atrocities are past history and don't represent religion in the 21st century.  This is simply not true, and something I will go into more deeply in future blogs.

Another point that the song makes is that religion is largely an artifact from a simpler time. Religion was used to explain things before science could take its place.  Science has brought us into the light, though many of us refuse to embrace it and dwell out in the darkness.  Ironically, those who have found religion often speak of having been shown the light, but it is really just the opposite.  In my personal acceptance of the idea that there is no God, I feel as if I have been shown the light.  For the first time in my life I am comfortable with my belief system: that being the belief in science and reason, and not in myth and superstition.  Unfortunately this is not a widely accepted belief system in our society, so in a sense I feel like I am the one out in the darkness.  "Out" in the sense that I have "outed" myself as an atheist, and in the darkness because I can feel somewhat alone when surrounded by others who do not share my views.  However, there are enough persons out there who are outspoken in their rejection of religion, that I know I am not alone.  Besides I would rather be true to myself and be alone, than dwell out in the darkness of religion that I believe to be false. 

The last line of the song is: "All the billions who've lived and died dwell not in heaven nor out in the darkness now."  I do not have the false comfort of a heaven where I will go to after I do, but I do have the comfort of knowing that I am no different from anyone else who has lived before me.  A great quote from George Hrab  in his song "Everything Alive Will Die Someday" says "the fairness of unfairness is in everything's demise."    In the sense that we are granted differing amounts of time on earth, and that some people's time is significantly shorter than others, than yes, life is unfair.  But death on the other hand is fair.  Every living creature in the universe will at some point cease to exist.  Universally we are all in the same boat.  What could be more fair than that?

Genesis

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. - attributed to Mark Twain

No one can accuse me of not giving Christianity a chance.  I was baptized into the Presbyterian church and regularly attended Sunday School and church services from when I was a young child until I left the area to attend college.  In my teens I attended a church camp in the summer, and a weekly Fellowship program the rest of the year.  I studied the Bible, participated in the church choir, and helped my parents out when they taught Sunday School.  Overall my experiences in church were positive, and I still have great memories of church camp.  So my current beliefs are not a reaction to any negative experiences related to my religious experiences as a youth. 

I remember learning Bible stories in Sunday School.  I remember never being quite as into the Old Testament stories as some of my peers seemed to be.  They never really rang true to me, or seemed to have a lot of relevance to my life.  In public school I was particularly interested in science, and these stories seemed to have little bearing on that.  I had a strong love of astronomy that started at a fairly young age, and the creation story of the Bible seem a whole lot less plausible than that which read about in astronomy books.  

When I began attending Fellowship, I remember feeling a big relief when our pastor explained that as Presbyterians we did not take the Bible as the literal word of God.  The creation story of Genesis was not to be taken literally, God did not create the world in six days (or at least six earth days, who knew how long a day really was for God,) and the Adam and Eve story was an allegory for the "Fall of Man" and set the stage for the Messiah to later appear and forgive our sins. We were taught that if the Bible was the "Word of God" at the very least, it had been written down by men, and translated many times though the years. 

My pastor wrote the following letters down on paper:

G O D I S N O W H E R E

Now depending upon how one spaces this out one can read this as:

GOD IS NOW HERE

or:

GOD IS NOWHERE

Clearly we have the potential for some serious mistranslations. 

It was a huge weight off my shoulders for me to not be expected to take the Bible literally, because, if it had come to that, I would have been done with the church.  And while I would have enjoyed the opportunity to sleep later on Sunday mornings, I still wanted to believe. 

Why did I want to believe?  I can think of a number of reasons.  For one it seemed like it was something that good people were supposed to do.  I used to be jealous of those who could find comfort from religion; those who believed that God "had their back."  Wouldn't it be great to be able to pray, and believe that your prayers were being heard?  I was never much of a prayer.  When I was desperate I might occasionally pray.  I figure that it might not help, but it couldn't possibly hurt.  

I think the greatest reason why I wanted to believe was because I was afraid of dying.  I wasn't so much afraid of death itself, as I was of what comes after.  Namely, I was afraid of being a "nothing."  That is how I know to this day, that my faith was never that strong.  I never, ever truly believe that I was going to Heaven.  Was I afraid of going to hell, absolutely not.  As Presbyterian's there was never a whole lot of talk about hell.  God is a forgiving god, and if anyone went to hell, it surely was only the worst of the worst.  Mass murderers and Hitler might go to hell, but I certainly didn't have to worry about it.  I also didn't believe that God would send me to hell for having a lack of faith.  If God (we are talking the new testament God 2.0 here) was truly that forgiving, then he wasn't going to punish me for having a hard time with the faith thing.  

It wasn't even that Heaven sounded like it was all that great, (Check out the song Heaven Must Be Boring by George Hrab ), but it seemed to beat the alternative of not existing.  It seems strange to be afraid of nothingness.  After all, one doesn't know they have ceased to exist.  However the idea of no longer being alive, of no longer being able to experience anything, terrified me.  I would think of this while lying in bed, and my heart would race, and would sometimes even break into a cold sweat.  Even the idea of reincarnation didn't offer any solace to me.  Sure my soul might go on living, but "I" would not.  The thoughts, memories, and sensory experiences that added up to the experience of "me" would be gone.  So for all intents and purposes so would "I" cease to exist.  So the idea of a Heaven wherein my sense of self would persist beyond my earthly physical body, held a great appeal.  


However, no matter how much one want's to believe something, that doesn't make it so.  Our society places a lot of importance on the power of believing.  Kids are told in school and in TV and other media that they can be anything they want to be.  Of course this really isn't true.  Most kids are never going to be President, or a pop star, or a starting quarterback in the NFL.  I am a strong believer in the power of positive thinking, but one needs to be realistic as well.  This is also where I have a big problem with the power of prayer.  If one believes that if they pray hard enough for something that their prayer will be answered, it kind of takes away a lot of the incentive to actually take action.  "God helps those who help themselves," to me just seems to be an admission that prayer doesn't really work.  I recently came across this quote:

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish  - Unknown

So as much as I wanted to be a believer, it was a constant struggle for me to do so.  The idea of "Faith" - that one should believe even without empirical evidence, just seemed so contradictory to me.  In school I was learning about science, and the scientific method.  A theory did not gain scientific acceptance until it could shown via experiments or other proofs, to be more or less irrefutable.  But I was supposed to accept God and religion purely on faith?!  I could not then, and never will be able to subscribe that sort of "faith."

I continued to attend church, mainly because I enjoyed the social aspects of it.  However, when I went away to college, there were so many other social opportunities that I felt no desire to get involved in any church services.    Somewhere around that time I decided that I was an agnostic.  I don't remember where or when I first became aware of the term, but it seemed to describe my faith.  I was not ready to completely denounce the existence of God, but until more compelling evidence came along, I was going to stay on the fence.  

What is atheism?

I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology.
-Thomas Jefferson

From Merriam-Webster:
Definition of ATHEISM

1

archaic : ungodliness, wickedness

2

a : a disbelief in the existence of deity b : the doctrine that there is no deity

Origin of ATHEISM

Middle French athéisme, from athée atheist, from Greek atheos godless, from a- + theos god

First Known Use: 1546

Well I can see where some of the misconceptions come from.  Please note that the first definition is labeled as archaic, though that doesn't seem to have completely faded away.  The second definition, being the current definition should really be listed first, but who am I to argue with Merriam Webster.  

The next entry in Merriam-Webster:

Definition of ATHEIST

: one who believes that there is no deity

Well that's better, and that is simply what I believe.  When I first told someone close to me that I was an atheist, the response I received was: "Doesn't that mean you hate God?".  I had to explain that no, not at all.  I do not believe that God exists, therefore it would be impossible for me to hate God.  There are some prominent atheists who come down pretty hard on religion, and that may be partly where people get this idea.  The whole idea of religion is something that I expect to write quite a bit about in future blogs.  

So how many atheists are there?  Let's take a look at the US, state by state:

Americans with ‘No Religion ’(Highest to Lowest)
Oregon 28%
Washington 27%
Vermont 24%
Colorado 23%
California 21%
Idaho 21%
Nevada 21%
Wyoming 21%
Delaware 20%
Arizona 19%
Montana 19%
New Hampshire 19%
Massachusetts 18%
New Mexico 18%
Utah 18%
Indiana 17%
Kansas 17%
Maine 17%
Michigan 17%
Missouri 17%
Ohio 17%
Rhode Island 17%
Illinois 16%
New Jersey 16%
Kentucky 15%
Maryland 15%
Minnesota 15%
New York 15%
Oklahoma 15%
West Virginia 15%
Wisconsin 15%
Arkansas 14%
Connecticut 14%
Florida 14%
Iowa 14%
Georgia 13%
Pennsylvania 13%
Virginia 13%
Texas 12%
North Carolina 11%
Louisiana 10%
Nebraska 10%
Tennessee 9%
South Carolina 8%
South Dakota 8%
Alabama 7%
Mississippi 7%
North Dakota 4%

(Alphabetically)
Alabama 7%
Arkansas 14%
Arizona 19%
California 21%
Colorado 23%
Connecticut 14%
Delaware 20%
Florida 14%
Georgia 13%
Idaho 21%
Illinois 16%
Indiana 17%
Iowa 14%
Kansas 17%
Kentucky 15%
Louisiana 10%
Maine 17%
Maryland 15%
Massachusetts 18%
Michigan 17%
Minnesota 15%
Mississippi 7%
Missouri 17%
Montana 19%
Nebraska 10%
Nevada 21%
New Hampshire 19%
New Jersey 16%
New Mexico 18%
New York 15%
North Carolina 11%
North Dakota 4%
Ohio 17%
Oklahoma 15%
Oregon 28%
Pennsylvania 13%
Rhode Island 17%
South Carolina 8%
South Dakota 8%
Tennessee 9%
Texas 12%
Utah 18%
Vermont 24%
Virginia 13%
Washington 27%
West Virginia 15%
Wisconsin 15%
Wyoming 21%

CUNY ‘American Religious Identification Survey, 2000’ (weighted data)

Now true, most of those who are non-religious may not consider themselves atheists.  Many call themselves agnostics, and others don't seem to pay much attention to religion at all, but in the end it is mostly a matter of semantics.  None of them believe in God.  For me, this data just gives me one more reason not to move to North Dakota!

Let's take a look at the worldwide figures:

1. Christianity: 2.1 billion
   
2. Islam: 1.5 billion
   
3. Secular/Nonreligious/Agnostic/Atheist: 1.1 billion
   
4. Hinduism: 900 million
   
5. Chinese traditional religion: 394 million
   
6. Buddhism: 376 million
   
7. primal-indigenous: 300 million
   
8. African Traditional & Diasporic: 100 million
   
9. Sikhism: 23 million
   
10. Juche: 19 million
    
11. Spiritism: 15 million
    
12. Judaism: 14 million
    
13. Baha'i: 7 million
    
14. Jainism: 4.2 million
    
15. Shinto: 4 million
    
16. Cao Dai: 4 million
    
17. Zoroastrianism: 2.6 million
    
18. Tenrikyo: 2 million
    
19. Neo-Paganism: 1 million
    
20. Unitarian-Universalism: 800 thousand
    
21. Rastafarianism: 600 thousand
    
22. Scientology: 500 thousand

 Source: adherents.com

So there are a lot of non-believers out there.  You probably know a lot more of us than you think.  Many non-believers do fear that they will be persecuted for their lack of beliefs.  People worry that admitting they do not believe will have negative impacts on their work and or social lives.  I have enough faith in my friends, family, and employer that I don't fear any major negative repercussions from blogging about my beliefs.

In my next blog I will write about how I got to where I am now.

Confessions of a new atheist

Why am I doing this?  Why am I posting a blog where I reveal some of my innermost thoughts, particularly when such thoughts go against the socially accepted norms?  There is certainly nothing that says I have to do this, I can continue to stay in the closet.  After all, in day to day activities, one's religious views are often kept to oneself.  Sure occasionally most of us has run into someone whose beliefs involve proselytizing.  I have had people invite me to their church, even once had a customer in my store give me a bible.  And sure lots of people advertise their Christianity by wearing a cross somewhere on their person.  I don't plan on writing a blog in a vacuum.  Maybe I will find some catharsis in just putting words down, but I doubt I would feel such if I didn't believe anyone was reading them.  So I expect that many of those who may decide to read this are friends, acquaintances, relatives, and coworkers.  It is certainly possible, perhaps likely, that I will offend some people in the process.  Let me apologize in advance, as that is not my intent.

So, why then, am I doing this?  I am doing this to share the story of my journey down the path that has led to my current beliefs.  I am not trying to make converts out of current 'believers", nor am I vain enough to believe that I can actually do so.  When one becomes a christian or when one is "born again", he or she is usually supported by others on that journey.  However, the opposite is often true when one chooses to reject the belief systems of religion.  There is no church of atheists.  I hope that maybe my story will be helpful to others who are undergoing similar transformations in their own beliefs. 

Another reason for this blog is to help clear up the many misconceptions surrounding atheism.  When I tell people I am an atheist (and it is not something I currently make a regular habit of), I have been surprised as to some of the responses.  I do hope to give others a clearer understanding of what it really means to be an atheist. 

While I mentioned that this journey has largely been made on my own, I would not have reached this point alone.  I wish to to thank the many persons in the "skeptic community" that have helped me to get here.  These are people, who I have never personally met, but whose writings, podcasts, and even songs have influenced me.  At the top of the list is one Mr. George Hrab.  Listening to his weekly podcast has been hugely rewarding in so many ways.  I encourage those who are curious to check it out:
http://geologicpodcast.com/. It is not a show about atheism, although that is a recurring topic.  George talks about his personal experiences, performs humorous sketches with a variety of characters that he has created, has interesting segments such as: "The History Chunk", "Interesting Fauna", "Indestructible Bastards", "Geo's Mom Reads Jay-Z Lyrics", and yes, "Religious Morons". 
I also wish to thank Richard Dawkins, Bill Maher, Christopher Hitchens, Martin Orford, and especially my wife, Elizabeth without whose support I would be lost. 

Lastly, I want to explain "the rules of the blog".  I know that some of you will disagree with what I have to say, and some may be offended.  For now, I plan to allow comments on the blog, as I would prefer it to be interactive.  However, I have no desire to use this a forum for religious debate.  If you comment with the intent of starting such a debate, you will find that I will not be a participant.  Part of my current belief system is tolerance of, and respect for differing beliefs.  I wish for that to be practiced here.  Any comments that appear to be motivated by intolerance, or that appear to be personal attacks, will be deleted.  So let's play nice, OK?! 

Thank you for reading this.  I hope you find it to be interesting and thought-provoking.